A day in May.

May 21st, 1996. I was 7 years old. My family packed up the saab and headed for the south. Brett had just died. My mother lost her baby. My father lost his third son. They were escaping. Me, my brother Glenn, and my sister Caroline were just going along for the ride.

Headed south. Towards Melbourne, Florida. That week was so hot. Heat waves set in. The whole ride down I sat smushed between between Glenn and Caroline with the windows down. The wind coming in blew through my hair and left me sitting there smiling. Thinking nonsense to myself.

My mom had a mixtape that was made for her. It was from her best friend and these two weeks were about having a good time. Especially for us kids. We had no idea at the time.

Speeding down the southern highways, backroads, passed peoples gardens. Flourishing in all different colors. Stopping at diners, ordering the same thing every time. My sister with her polaroid, taking funny pictures of me.

We would stop to stretch our legs and get some fresh air. Me and my sister would run the fields on the side of the roads. Middle of nowhere. Maybe somewhere in the middle of North Carolina. I took my shoes off, feeling the earth and the burning southern soil on my feet. All of the earth moving with me.
The fields were green, white, yellow. Talk about amber waves of grain.

Back in the car, speeding down the freeway. Mixtape in.
I remember it like yesterday. I can feel the heat still. The sunlight pouring through the open car windows.
The tape switched sides and side B started playing.

Suddenly, a womans voice started moving through me. Sweet and raspy, quick and smart.

"He's chasing tornados.....I'm just waiting calmly..."

Harpsichords start playing. Heavy with drums. Fast moving lyrics. The melody swaying through my body.

"Talula, Talula, you don't want to lose her...."

I think it was the first time I've really noticed music.

I felt a force pull through me. It was the best feeling of my life.

Then, I felt a feeling. I felt this message coming through the sounds. "Forget it. Whatever is on your mind. Just move with it. Move through it."

I felt relieved, light, a strange feeling . A good kind. A warm kind. I trusted it.

Talula was reaching through me.

That was the last I've heard of...I didnt even know who it was that song was by. I wouldnt find out for another 11 years, when she crept back into my life at one of the worst times of my life. Funny how she just turned up at those two horrible times.


I one day plan to tell Tori Amos this.





song referenced: Talula by Tori Amos.